This is camp week and Karen, Jeff, and Beth are all gone, so what an opportunity to get somethings I need to do with the Real Estate business accomplished, right? Yeah, whatever. Last Wednesday I had plans to get things done and now every night this week is full with things I am doing to help others. This is what Jason says my "I" personality does to me, I really do want to help everyone and please everyone and wind up with my plate over full and never getting my things accomplished. Anyone that I am helping this week, do NOT take this as a complaint and wishing I was not helping, I DO want to help, I just wish I was better at organizing my time or could convince God to add about 2-3 more hrs to the day for "my time" but who am I kidding I would just feel that up with unnecessary stuff like every other hour.
One thing that being alone does though is gives me more time to think especially at night since I just do not sleep well when Karen is not at home, oh yeah I sleep but it is a lighter sleep and waking up every 30-45 minutes all night. But anyway I was saying it gives me time to think and reflect on my life. Where am I in my spiritual (I often forget to think about this part), family, professional journey? Am I where I need to be and at these times is when I ask am I where God needs me to be in my journey? I believe that God has such great plans for us all and how many of us live up to what he needs us to be in life? Why do I let the little life things turn into the big stumbling blocks that keep me from being who I need to be? Why do I let life's crap effect the way I treat my family? They deserve so much more and yet I give them so little and talk to them with such a terrible attitude and yet they love me anyway? WHY? Oh God, please help me to keep you in my vision all day not just when I think I have time to think about you!
I wish that I could tell my kids and my wife how I really truly feel about them, that they could understand that I would have no life without them, that they are the greatest blessings that God has ever given me. Yet, instead I pick, criticize, and irritate them, WHY? Oh God, please help me to lead my family as you need me to lead and lead them closer to you and not further away.
God, I know you have a lot of work yet to do in me and I pray that I will be pliable as potter's clay that you can mold me to where you need me to be and guide those you need me to guide.